Invisible String

     I am in for the long run, I am in for the lowest of the lows and the highest of the highs and everything inbetween. I am all in. 
    I want to cherish everyhing we have built, all we have experienced and how we grew. Sometimes, it's not easy, but this is my promise to you, that I am in until the cows come home.
    I have to still learn so many things, I still have some things to heal. And that is why I am the way I am sometimes. I feel triggered and jealous and if I do not talk about these feelings and let them eat me up from the inside, that is not what I want. And that does not do any good.
    So here I am, in the vast world of the interwebz, confessing my love to you. Because that is all I can, all I can do and talk about.
    I am going through a tumultuous time, so are you. And I want to work through it. Because I do not want to give up. I know I am maybe a bit silly for literally thinking this blogpost might be a little romantic, I do not write love letters though, I write blogsposts. You know, the millennial way.
    But very much probably it's just a little awkward to be doing this - when the only persion I am talking to is you. It has always been you, invisible string.

    
    

Time is a social construct

     I do not believe in linear time, because time is not linear. This is a man-made construct that was made to make us understand things in life and life itself easier. But it is completely wrong. 
    There is only the present moment and everything evolves around it as a spiral, you can experience déja vu and it's becuase you have truly been in this very moment before.
    As time is not linear, neither is healing. It is a process but so much more complex than just a straight line. As well as grieving, that is also not linear. It comes in waves and takes up your whole existence.
    You know it's hard for me to watch the people I love suffer, I guess this is (hopefully) the case for all of us but there is just something inside me that wants to make everything right. All the time. 
    And it's really really hard for me to unlearn this. I am a Virgo rising and the oldest daughter after all, as my brother would say -  a different breed. 
    I feel deeply responsible for not only my own wellbeing but also for the wellbeing of those I love. And it breaks my heart to admit that I am aware I am not always able to help. But a simple act of holding space for each other, just being here for each other is crucial. Sometimes less is more, as my dad says.
    And sometimes, time is the weirdest thing ever, how silly of me to think I have my future figured out?
    And how silly of me to think I have full closure on everything I have been through in the past?
    I think I am just trying to understand, as one usually does, and putting this into words and writing it down is some sort of therapeutic sorting of my own thoughts.