Very much excited ^^

     Let me start this post with saying I swear this is not how I planned it to be with not posting anything for two months. If you did that back in 2010, everyone would be worried! No, for real, they would.
    So I guess this is a little apology for not keeping you up to date lately but I've just been, ya know, living life
    But enough of that, today, I want to talk about excitement. And maybe anxiety - because don't they actually go hand in hand?
    I've generally always been pretty excited about life and things and the future and all the good stuff that is to come. Needless to say, I burned myself a couple of times. 
    Later on, I learned to expect nothing and appreciate everything - the exciting and the mundane and the heartbreaking and tumultuous.
    I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone tries so hard to not get excited about certain things and outcomes and that this is not the way to go. Because in my opinion, this is leading with fear and making yourself so small, although you are worth the best outcome and all the things you dream about and work hard for.
    And there is nothing wrong with that, I do partially believe this is a societal issue, as well as a personal. When we were young, the excitement was pure and innocent and the society and the experience we have made over all these years made us feel like we are not deserving of being excited because you can then as well be disappointed if it did not work out or you did not get this one thing you wanted to bad.
    Additionally, I was like that for literally the longest time. And I am still in certain situations.
    But then I realized it does not help anyone and it certainly does not help me. So I recognized it. And I confronted it and it triggers me and I am still unlearing this thought pattern but it's a process.
    So, this is when we start talking about anxiety. I so long thought I was not anxious, I thought that, I am just thinking a little too much and had to have it all figured out every second of my life. Turns out it was not just overthiking. Are we the anxious generation? Growing up with 9/11, 2008 economical crisis, then a few good years, then covid rolls around. Do you understand what I am trying to say here?
    Yeah, I used to be excited but I used to be equally scared. I used to escape it all in various ways. But sometimes, and especially with anxiety, you just have to surrender to it. I know this sounds pretty unclear and kind of a foreign concept but surrender to the feeling, surrender to the sensation. Because you are not anxiety, you have anxiety. 
    Whoa, just poured my heart out here a little.
    Well I guess that is how I see the excitement and the fear and the anxiety.
    But coming back to me just living life, I also learned how to be healthily excited about certain things and how to yes, be still afraid you are going to be disppointed, but hang on to the positive exciting thought of things always working in your favor.
    And once you actively start working on this, you'll be quite literally amazed.
    
    Thank you for coming to my TED Talk