Ljubav Era

   Maybe it's the fact that I have been obessively listening to Taylor Swift's Lover, maybe it's just the feeling that I always said I have so much love to give but no one to give it to and now I feel like I actually have someone I can give it to.

  Don't get me wrong, I am talking no platonic love here - of course, I have always had my friends but you know, it's just not the same as romantic love.

  And I am not saying one is better than the other - they're just - well - different.

  I am so profoundly grateful for my little heart and that it learned how to open itself up again.

  It's just been really eye opening experience - all the times I thought I am fully healed, turns out I was not. And I did not stop working on it. And it paid off.

  This is your little beacon of light in the vast world of interwebz. You can be happy and not be afraid of stating it.

  Always leading with love.

On The Importance of Being Cozy

    Coziness is not a feeling, it’s a way of life. There I said it.It’s one of my non-negotiables for winter, as well. If it’s not providing at least some level of coziness, I’m not going.    
    I want to feel embraced, I want to embrace others. But preferably from the safety of my own home. Some may say winter makes one to become a homebody but I think we should take it slower in the colder months and cut ourselves some slack.
    It is neither natural, nor sustainable to be productive all the damn time.
So, stay home, drink tea, get yourselves a coloring book, crochet, drink red wine and cook nice dinners. We can be productive later.

#girlhood

    Today my dear friends, we are going to talk about girlhood. Well, my take on it anyway.I am grateful to be a girl, a woman. I truly am. And yes it comes with its own little curse but I wholeheartedly enjoy and love being a woman.

    I’d love to take you on a little journey through a couple of elements or parts of girlhood for me - the way I’d like to convey my thoughts and keep it a little structured, too.

    I am going to start with my utterly subjective definition of girlhood. For me, being a girl is a feeling of safety. I know kind of weird, right. It’s this communal, maternal, full feeling of warmth. Of belonging and of kinship and of unconditional love. Of reliability and letting go. Of knowing, of power. 

    I think that it is hard to put this whole feeling into words, to be quite honest. It's the orange color, it's the sun, it's sunflowers, it's tears and laughs and tumult and sorrow and extasy and joy. It's deep deep intuition and this knowledge, secret and profound knowledge.

    Secondly, there is the societal definition of girlhood - the genderly normed bs - that girls wear pink and that we like bows and one day we are going to make a perfect wife and a beutiful petite innocent creature. That we do not poop, that we do not complain and that we can not say no.

    I don't like this definition and yes I know I've exaggerated a little here but you get the gist.

    Then there is the scientific, the anthropological defition of girlhood - all the stats and facts and studies. All the emancipatory waves and the history and how we come together.

    What we have changed and moved and how different it is to being a man. It's alright you know, I appreciate science and academical texts and pursuit of knowing. But I do strongly believe girlhood, girlhood as such should be described by and through poetry, through short stories, through novels.

    It's not solely the facts. 

    It is so much more.    

    So so much more.

You see what I did here. A simple stilistical method and here we go, now we're talking.

    I am just playing with words here, I am just spilling my mind onto a digital paper.

    But yes, I think it is very important to actually give proper credit to the subjective definition of girlhood for each and every woman. Because of course, it varies but at one level, but we all can always relate to it. It is a little spooky sometimes. But beautiful nonetheless.

    All in all, it is very challenging and comes with its price but I love love love being a woman. And I am so grateful for the women in my life, for their mere existence, for being there for me, for always having my back. For all the giggles and stories and little moments of belonging, of being a part of something bigger.

    

Enchanted To Meet You

     I figured that when I had this epiphany to resurrect my blog, I shall also go ahead and re-introduce myself. Introduce myself in the first place, technically speaking. I was a teenager when I started this blog. Now I am almost 29. /29!/ and all I can think of right now is Schmidt in New Girl and his 29th birthday celebration and how I've always joked once I turn 29 I am going to be annoyingly saying twenty-nine in Schmidt's voice the whole night.
    Well maybe it is not the only thing that I can think of, but you get what I mean. If you were to tell my 15 year old self who passionately but very awkwardly started this blog, that 14 years later I am going to be back and not let this little (visual) diary go to the interwebz garbage, she'd probably be pretty amazed. And curious, obviously. Curious about how I've turned out to be as a proper adult. Because quite honestly, I do feel like one. I think I've been feeling like one ever since I got my own place. Rented, of course. But my own little sanctuary.
    It't a nice and comforting thought. I was trying so hard back then, trying and mostly suceeding but not always. And I don't know why I've always had this urge to put myself out there but I think it's kind of nice to have something to look back later on (how nostalgic, I know).
    Fourteen years is a damn long time, so I will spare you the details. At this point, I just want to express how nice it is to be alive. Not to just exist, but to actually live. To focus on the present moment and just be. This is somethig I've struggled with for the longest time, either being trapped in the past or hopeful / anxious about the future. Now I am just grateful, truly grateful.
    And so I am here, sitting on the couch in my kitchen, with a lit incense and Fata&Morgana set playing, reflecting on the past decade and a half. 
    I feel like I am still the same, in my core but so many things have changed - I mean of course they did, if they did not that'd be quite sad - and I welcomed the change with open arms. And learned to embrace it and learn from it. 
    It's quite funny though, all these silly little moments in life and all the people I've met and just, you know, life is pretty nice. Complicated, but nice. What I am trying to convey is the fact that in a way to come back to this virtual space is a full circle moment for me. I feel like I've never in my life been more myself than I am now, comfortable in my own skin but also character- and value-wise.
    The cool thing is, I can just be myself because I no longer care much about how I come across, or if I said something embarrasing. Or acted in a weird way. 
    Additonally, I am no longer trying to fit in, to impress, well at least not most of the time. And I am dealing with things properly and not running away from problems and overall I mean of course we develop and we get older but the sheer difference between all of my past versions and my current version is just astonishing to me in a way.
    I guess I am just a girl, I am a girls' girl and maybe I just think a little too much and notice a little too detailed but it does not change the fact that I am also a woman and I know my mental power and listen carefully.
    I am in a position in my life where I am really content in pretty much all of its areas. And that is a very reassuring thought. And in case I am not, I am changing something about the situation. Which gives me confidence in myself. 
    So on that note, welcome to my humble home. I hope you have fun.

    

Durstlöscher Combos That Slap

    I am your self-proclaimed Durstlöscher connoisseur and therefore I am in a position to teach you all which combinations of Durstlöscher and [add anything here] simply slap. 
    Through my years of thorough research, I've not only come to the conclusion that Durstlöscher is very versatile, but I as well found out that some combinations slap harder than others.
    The world of taste is your oyster, quite frankly.   

    But to be a proper blogger, you'll first have to read about my Durstlöscher history. It's been complicated but we're an inseparable couple now.
    I remember I never understood the hype around it - I mean of course, it's mostly pretty cheap and once you are proper thirsty, it does the job. BUT, I did one big mistake and that is why our relationship was off to a bad start and later on I'd even call it a love-hate relationship.
    I simply drank it too fast. And yes, it is pretty confusing because every Dursti contains 500ml of liquid. Well, I drank and drank and drank and then it was empty within minutes. Then I got this really bad belly ache and my stomach was no longer a stomach, but an aquarium.
    According to my past experience and knowing I am the toxic one in the relationship, I learned. I learned from my mistake. And I started enjoying Dursti in a timely manner but not too fast. Back then, it still used to have the plastic straws, so sipping on it patiently was not a problem at all. Nowadays it became an issue because of the paper straws, obviously. (No shade here, I too want that tortoises live a long life without plastic straws up their noses but you know, the nostalgic feeling is real.)

    And so since I've acknowledged my mistake and changed the way I was consuming this heavenly drink, I realized there is so much more to it, than to solely erase your thirst.
    The rest is history.

    So, as promised, here are some of the combinations that are in my humble opinion the best:

1. DURSTLÖSCHER PFIRSICH EISTEE + DOOBIE
2. DURSTLÖSCHER GRANATAPFEL und ZITRONE + SOUR CANDY

3. DURSTLÖSCHER MULTIVITAMIN + BREAKFAST
4. DURSTLÖSCHER APFEL und ORANGE und ZITRONE + SOAR THROAT

5. DURSTLÖSCHER ORANGE + CHOCOLATE (dark is the best in this case)
6. DURSTLÖSCHER TROPICAL + HARIBO CANDIES (Picco balla the best, but any would do the job)
7. DURSTLÖSCHER MYSTERY + ALSO A DOOBIE
8. DURSTLÖSCHER BUBBLEGUM is honestly too overpowering but + HUBBA BUBBA chewing gum

9. DURSTLÖSCHER WALDMEISTER + I don't vibe with this one, I could never pair it with anything
10. DURSTLÖSCHER WASSERMELONE + ICE LOLLIES
11. DURSTLÖSCHER SAUERKIRSCHE und ZITRONE + WAFFLES
12. DURSTLÖSCHER ZITRONE EISTEE + FALAFEL SANDWICH
13. DURSTLÖSCHER BLUEBERRY MARSHMALLOW + (you've guessed it) marshmallows
14. DURSTLÖSCHER MANGO EISTEE + SMOOTHIE BOWL

LET ME KNOW WHAT ARE YOUR FAVS <3